Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
