He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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