So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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