Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
