I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
it's like heaven, but drunker
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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