He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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