Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't deserve a penis
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
