I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
