I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
