I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Less talking, more tequila
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
