i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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