did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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