i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
