He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
