and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
