I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
