I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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