The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
