I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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