pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
