The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
