You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
