Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
