Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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