Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
