I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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