Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
