Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize