I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
being pregnant is like rehab
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
