I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
