You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
