At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The uberlube is also flammable
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
