speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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