Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my vagina is haunted
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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