handjob tips. give me some.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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