I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
