i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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