i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize