At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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