I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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