i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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