Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
