Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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