grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
