Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How does one acquire holy water?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize