Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
