I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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