Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I want a musical about memes.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
