Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
