remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
