She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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