I need help removing her.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
