found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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