just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
