btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
