you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
ttyl tear gas
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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