I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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