i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize