I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
