Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
