Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I have post one night stand depression
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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