I didn't shave. On purpose
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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