dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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