Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
