i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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